funmails: May 2007

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Lighter side of Poems........To make U Smile

Lighter side of Poems........To make U Smile
Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.

Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you...

Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And….

I got a heart attack straight away…

God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.

Elephant - banana series : Can u answer atleast one???

An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat
the bananas. Why ?

.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.

Because the bananas are made of plastic.

Next…Q

The 5 bananas are real , but yet the elephant does not eat it. Why?

.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.

.
.
.

.
.
.
.
Because the elephant is made of plastic.

Hahhaa…never give up…one more..

Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat it.
.
.
.
.

.
.

Why ?

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.

Because the bananas are in the TV.

Ooops!!! Cool down…

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it
cannot eat it. Why?

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
,
,
,

,
,
,
,
,.
.
.
.

.
.
.

Because they are on different channels.

Hohohohoohohoh..hehehe

Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the
same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why?
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
Cmon think ….
.
.
.
..
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.

Because the TV is off.

Kikikikikiki J

Now Finally the Elephant gets a chance to eat the bananas.Why?

Arey kaam Karo apnaa.....Kya bigada hain usne aapka...Khane do
naa bichare ko!!! :)

Health Bites

a tragic love story must read

This is interesting....

in Hyderabad a boy and girl fell in love

When the girl's father came to know
About their love, he did not like it at
all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers
decided to leave their homes for a happy
Future.

The girl's father started searching for
The two lovers but could not find
them.

At last, he accepted their love and
asked them to come back home thru a

local newspaper. Her father said "If
you both come back I will allow you to marry the
guy you love, I accept that you loved
each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they
returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop
for the wedding dress. He was dressed
in a white shirt that day. While he was
crossing the road to the other side to
get some drinks for his wife, a car
came and hit him and he died on the spot.

The girl was devastated and lost her
senses. It was only after sometime that
she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very
next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had
a dream in which she saw an old lady.
The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood
stains of the guy from her daughter's
dress as soon as possible. But her
mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same
dream, he also ignored it. Then the
girl had the same dream the next night, she
woke up in fear and told her mother
about the dream. Her mother asked her
to wash the clothes with the blood
stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained.
Next night she again had the same
dream. She again washed the stains but some
still remained. But again the next
night she had the same dream and this
time the old lady gave her a last
warning to wash the blood stain, or
else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to
wash the stains, and the clothes
nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while
she was alone at home, someone knocked
on the door. When she opened the door
she saw the same old lady of her dream
standing at her door. She got very
scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her
a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked "What is this...?" The old
lady replied...

.

. .

.

.

.

.

.

"That is a Surf excel packet

And told Only surf excel will remove the stains completely

I know how you all are feeling now...

I have been through this too.

I'm also hunting for the one who
mailed this to me

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

AMerican Visa

An Indian guy named "Anantharaman Subbaraman" arrived at the New York airport and ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs for the authorities to call his name, he got fed up and went to them and asked why they haven’t called his name yet.

They said that they have been calling him for last 2 hrs as…

“Anotherman Superman”

What a boss!

Scientists at the Rocket launching station in Thumba, were in the habit
of working for nearly 12 to 18 hours a day. There were about Seventy
such scientists working on a project. All the scientists were really
frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but
everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.

One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have
promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on
in
our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm.

His boss replied - O K, , You are permitted to leave the office early
today.

The Scientist started working. He continued his work after lunch. As
usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when
he felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 p.m

Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children. He
looked for his boss,,He was not there. Having told him in the morning
itself, he closed everything and left for home.

Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his
children.

He reached home. Children were not there.His wife alone was sitting in
the hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk
would boomerang on him.

His wife asked him - Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight
away serve dinner if you are hungry.

The man replied - If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but
what about Children???

Wife replied- You don't know - Your manager came at 5 15 p.m and has
taken the children to the exhibition.

What had really happened was

The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously
at 5.00 p.m. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the
work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to
exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition

The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty
is established.

That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their
boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.

By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was????????

He was A P J Abdul Kalam.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Unmarried Boys - please read this message then take decision

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girlfriends r like chocolates,
taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Wives r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence .

Friday, May 4, 2007

Enthusiastic Salesman

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

" Madam , if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this S...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, " Why, madam? "

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady

MEN ARE FROM MARS... WOMEN FROM VENUS...

Here's a prime example of "Men Are from Mars, Women
Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from
the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will
experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with
the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As
homework tonight, one of you will write the first
paragraph of a short story.
You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story
and send it back, also sending another copy to
me. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in
order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the
e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written
in the e-mail. The story is over when
both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his
English students: Rebecca and Gary.

-------------------------------------------

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she
wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite
for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much
of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at
all costs, keep her
mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and
if she thought about him too much her asthma started
acting up again. So chamomile was
out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the
attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more
important things to think about than the neuroses of
an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a
year ago. " A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established.
No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere
and blasted a hole through his
ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but
not before he felt one last pang of regret for
psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had
feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and
Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She
stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the
days had passed unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television
to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds
to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian
mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion
missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through
the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for
the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the
Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With
no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean
floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor,
stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent,
chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air
headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

Life in 4 photos

This is all about LIFE

funmails